When you’re a redneck, visiting your parents in Redneckville, there are a few things you can do to entertain your 18-month old son, most of which do not require the use of guns.
Here are a list of some of the ways to entertain a young child, and for that matter a 30-year old, on a breezy, somewhat cool summer day:
1) Go for a hike and splash through the crik (known to regular folks as a “creek”)
2) Grabbin’ a pole and goin’ fishin’ in a crawfish hole – something I’ve officially never done. This has to be a southern-country thing.
3) Chasin’ ground hogs on a four-wheeler
4) Riding a lawn mower up and down a hill with your toddler on your lap.
Oh wait. I’ll stop with number four because that is what I did on Sunday, Mother’s Day, with my toddler.
The sad thing? It was excitin’ for both of us.
*sigh* It takes so little to amuse me.
Dad roared the Club Cadet to life and I sat Jonathan on one knee and headed off down the country, dirt road in front of my parents home, much to the concern of my mother, who felt such an endeavor might be “dangerous.”
Except for a loose wheel and a jolt when I shifted the gears, there was nothing dangerous about our lawn mower ride in the country.
The only time I became concerned is when I thought I heard gunshots in the distance on our way back up the road from the little country church. People like to shoot around here – doesn’t matter what – they just like to shoot. They’ll shoot at targets tacked to styrofoam deer, empty tin cans, empty beer cans, old cars, mailmen, stray cats – you know, whatever they can find.
It doesn’t have to be “huntin’ seasin’” ‘round here for there to be shootin’, in other words.
Suddenly I became concerned that some Hillbilly Bob might shoot my son and I while we were out innocently riding our lawn mower (the more I write that, the more redneck it sounds).
It has happened before around here. Some guy out shootin’ his gun for fun, gets all excited ‘cause he thinks he sees a deer in the distance, forgets it isn’t huntin’ season and pulls the trigger – only to find out it was some old guy taking the trash out. Because an old guy wearing a rain coat and a pair of slippers looks like a four-legged, wide-eyed animal with a bushy white tail. At least he does to a Hillbilly Bob-type who thinks of beer, sex and guns 99.9 percent of the time and scratchin’ his private area the other 1 percent.
But, by the grace of God, the son and I arrived back to the garage safely, the only “danger” being Brother with a camera, ready to memorialize my son’s first trip on a ridin’ mower in photographs. In the process he also memorialized how fat I’ve gotten lately and made it more clear to me a diet is in order. Jerk.
Update: It is a Cub Cadet…I’m not sure why I wrote Club. Probably because I’m a dork and unedudicated.
—
Log on to Humor Blogs for some funny blogs by people who won’t shoot you by acc’dent or any other time…as far as I know.
Hey - I always appreciate a good lawn tractor story!
am i sooo glad we do not have this hazard round here in the country shires of england! well, not usually… although there is a frequent fightout in the town centre on a friday night…
Since it was a Club Cadet, I’ll let it slide under the redneck meter. Now if it had been a John Deere…. The Bubs loves to ride on the riding lawn mower with Dad and gets a kick out of steering.
I think the picture is cute! It isn’t often that we get to see you in a pic with J, since you’re usually the one taking them.
I have an uncle who owns this enormous slingshot (we’re talking probably a 20 foot rubber piece that you have to mount on some stakes in the ground) that he uses every time young relatives visit to shoot water balloons at cows from very VERY far away. Strangely, it’s incredibly awesome. If you actually hit one, the cows sort of look around and then resume grazing . . . so it’s anticlimactic, but entertaining.
When I was a kid my dad would tie the wagon to the back of the riding mower and drive us around the back yard. He did turn the blades off first.
Did you happen to actually mow any grass on your joy ride through the country ducking duck hunters?
By the way, loving the new banner!
Alice:
That’s cuz they’re the best.
Grit:
I’m glad you don’t have that hazard either.
Anna:
It’s actually a Cub Cadet. I had the wrong name. Dad wishes it was a John Deere
Law Student Mama:
OK…that is redneck.
Debbie:
Dad used to ride me around on the tractor and sometimes on the lawn mower while he was mowing. Then when I got older he made me mow the lawn all by myself. OK. Fine. He didn’t make me. I did it because it was fun! Now I would hate it..if Hubby would allow me to do it, but he doesn’t because that’s his job…plus it is a push mower. Yuk.
Jen:
No, we didn’t mow any real grass. Good day huh?
Thanks, I like the banner too…it might be temporary. I’m not sure yet. I’m so fickle. I keep changing my mind.
Hm. I have to say, even for someone as partial to the great indoors as myself… that kinda looks fun. Well, maybe not the fear of being shot part… But other than that.
Yeeah, but no one from YOUR county got busted this week for having a deer antler bong.
That lawn mower is classic! I love it!